How to teach our children not to lie

Why do children like to lie and how to wean them?

Almost every child sooner or later hears the tale of Pinocchio, whose nose grew with every lie. After which the story is reminded of it every time it itself lies about something. Why do children like to lie and how to wean them? Is there really any point in doing this at all?

Why and what they most often lie about

The most common cases in which children lie are: to cover up some bad deed that would bring them trouble and punishment; to test their parents’ reactions, patience and nerves; to make their story more exciting; to attract attention and thus feel more significant; to get something they very much desire; so as not to hurt someone’s feelings (a so-called white lie).

Children can learn to lie from an early age, usually around 3 years. It happens when the little one starts to realize that you can’t read his mind and may tell you things that aren’t true without you always realizing it.

But the age at which children use lies the most is around 4-6 years. Then they become real experts in this activity, and with each utterance of another fiction, they improve their skills more and more qualitatively. In this period, they also learn to match their lies with the listener’s facial expressions and tone of voice. You will easily catch the little liar if you watch him carefully and watch how he behaves while he tells facts that you know for sure are not true.

As children get older, they become more skilled liars and can now use fiction in a way that they will not be caught and exposed. And their lies get more complicated because they already have a lot more words to handle and a better understanding of how other people think.

In adolescence, children most often use white lies to avoid hurting others’ feelings.

Encourage them to tell the truth

Once they are old enough to begin to understand the difference between truth and lies, it is good to start encouraging them to tell only the truth and supporting them when they do so. Emphasize the importance of honesty in the family and help children understand what can happen when they tell lies.

Here are some useful tips that will help you overcome this problem more easily.

– When you catch the little liar in a lie, do not rush to punish him, but discuss the lie and tell him the truth. Help the child avoid situations in which he feels the need to lie. For example, if you ask him if he spilled the milk on purpose so he wouldn’t drink it, he may feel tempted to lie. To avoid this situation, simply say, “I see there was an accident with the milk. Let’s clean together!”.

– Praise the child when he admits he has done something wrong and help him solve the problem. And be a role model for telling the truth. Tell him how you confessed to your boss when you made a mistake and he helped you fix it instead of scolding you.

– Use jokes to encourage the toddler to defend against non-confrontational lies. Pretense and imagination help a lot in this case. Especially if the child is under 4 years old.

– If your child is telling you a story they made up about something, you can respond by admiring how interesting it is and suggesting that you turn it into a book together. This way you encourage his imagination without stimulating him to lie.

When children realize the lies

If the child is lying with the clear awareness that he is making things up, the first step is to tell him that lying is not a good thing. It must also know why it is not good. You might make a family rule that says no lies should be told at home. As well as outside actually.

The next step is to make sure that every lie has the appropriate consequences. And when you do use them, try to address the lie and the behavior that led to it, not just punish the child.

Find time to talk quietly with the child and explain to him how you feel when he lies, how it affects your relationship and what can happen if at some point family and friends stop believing him.

Always tell when you know he’s not telling the truth. But never ask him if he is telling the truth or call him a liar, as this will lead to more fabrications. It is more correct to encourage him to talk openly with you.

Make it easy for your child not to lie. To do this, think about what it could use fiction for. If, for example, it is to get your attention, think of suitable activities together. And if he’s aiming to get something, consider a reward system that allows him to earn that thing.

And keep praising him when he tells the truth. Punishment does not help, but praise sooner or later works and the child will see that there is no point in lying.

The serious lies

Sometimes children lie or keep serious things secret. They would hardly admit it to themselves if they were abused or bullied by another child or adult, for example.

If you suspect something, it is very important to get the child to tell the truth, assuring him that there will be no consequences for him. Because most often it thinks that the fault lies precisely in it.

Reassure him that he will be safe if he tells the truth. And promise him you’ll do everything you can to make things better. Remind him every time you find a solution to his problems.

Children’s behavior is an important indicator of their health and development, so always pay attention to it, as behavior can speak louder than words.

Photo by Lukas: https://www.pexels.com/photo/children-s-team-building-on-green-grassland-296301/