Warning: This story discusses suicide.
AFLW star Gemma Houghton traces a tattoo on her arm, inked by her best mate Nicholas Duff.
“You know some of them don’t always have meanings, but now all of them have meaning because they were done by him,” Houghton said.
“I hugged him the night before. I hugged him the day of.
“Had I known that would be the last time I’d ever see him, I never would’ve let go.”
Gemma Houghton is proud of her sentimental artwork, many of which were done by her friend Nicholas Duff. (ABC News: Briana Fiore)
The Power forward is excited ahead of the 2024 AFLW season, but a sadness still lingers.
Mr Duff took his own life three years ago.
The young father was just 29 years old and eight days away from his 30th birthday when he died.
“It was really hard for his parents, and they were just that week coming over to visit him from New Zealand … instead of coming over for what would have been a really happy holiday, [it was] unfortunately to find out that their son had passed away,” Houghton said, wiping away a tear.
She called him Duff and said he was the most caring person, even likening him to a “gentle giant”.
“I knew a side to him that most people probably didn’t … this soft, gentle person, very funny, very talented,” she said.
“I remember one time my mum was in hospital, and he messaged me everyday asking ‘how’s your mum’?”
Gemma Houghton and her friend and tattoo artist Nicholas Duff. (Supplied: Gemma Houghton)
Passion dried out
Houghton was at the peak of her football career.
But her passion for football ran dry following Duff’s death.
For four weeks, she struggled to sleep.
She said she knew of her friend’s mental health struggles and wondered if she could have done more to help him.
“I struggled a lot with the what ifs: ‘What could I have done? How could I have prevented it?” she said.
“I carried a lot of guilt.”
Gemma Houghton experienced dissociations at football training after the loss of her friend.
(ABC News: Briana Fiore)
Houghton was a social person before Duff’s death but admits to completely withdrawing.
At the time she was playing for the Fremantle Dockers in her home state of Western Australia and that’s when the dissociations started to happen.
“I just wasn’t there; I struggled to find my passion and withdrew from my family. I didn’t know how to deal with it,” she said.
Experiencing grief
Houghton said the grief never really ended and that she just had to get better at dealing with it.
She believed there was a stigma surrounding the mental health of athletes and wanted others to know there was nothing to be ashamed of.
“Everyone struggles, whether you play football or you don’t,” she said.
Gemma Houghton says moving states gave her a fresh start. (ABC News: Briana Fiore)
Houghton decided to move to the team she grew up supporting – the Port Adelaide Football Club – for the 2022 season and the fresh start gave her the opportunity to heal.
“To know you have support and loved ones around you is the biggest thing,” she said.
“The club has been a huge help and the players have gotten around me.”
Slowly, her passion for the game started to return.
She encouraged other athletes and young fans to chat about their mental health, saying it was okay to ask for help.
“I think it’s really important to just always remember that whatever you’re going through will pass, and then it becomes a part of your journey,” Houghton said.
“So, you use that to build character, you use that to build resilience.
“Sometimes life can suck and it can be really hard, but just know that the sun will always come up and you will get through it.”
Gemma Houghton reflects on the loss of her friend Nicholas Duff. (ABC News: Briana Fiore)
Houghton is also a First Nations Australian and has been a role model for her Indigenous teammates who affectionately call her “Aunty”.
She said she was proud to play a game that fostered so much inclusion and celebrated diversity.
Female athletes face more hurdles
A survey on female athletes conducted in 2021 revealed that two thirds of participants indicated a mild or more severe mental health condition.
Executive director for Health and Sport at Victoria University, Alex Parker, said half of the athletes surveyed showed risks of clinical depression and 60 per cent had anxiety symptoms that were at least mild.
Professor Alex Parker says half of the athletes surveyed showed risks of clinical depression. (Supplied: Victoria University)
She said although there was a small sample size, with 53 athletes starting the survey and 39 completing it, she still believed the findings indicated a trend that women had to face more psychosocial stressors.
They included exposure to sexual harassment, challenges around parenting, sexualisation on social media and the pressures of having to work multiple jobs because of the gender pay gap.
“I think what we’ve become aware of is that just like community members, elite athletes have a similar risk of diagnosable mental health conditions, but some of the stressors that exacerbate that or things that could make that experience more difficult are sport specific,” Professor Parker said.
She said female athletes on a whole were twice as likely as male athletes to experience depression, anxiety and eating disorders.
A study found half of female athletes surveyed showed risks of clinical depression. (ABC News: Briana Fiore)
Professor Parker said many organisations have well planned mental health strategies but there was still some stigma in reaching out in some sporting codes due to a sense of perception from the athletes that it may impact on their selection.
She said one of the recommendations she had made following her research was for mental health supports to be formal and informal as well as internal and external in order to maintain confidentiality and privacy.
She added that athletes speaking out about their mental health could have a positive effect on fans by reducing the stigma.
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