Carolyn Hinsey’s It’s Only My Opinion

Jailhouse Rock: DAYS’s Lucas (Bryan R. Dattilo) has been forced into hiding to elude the wrath of Clyde (James Read).

The best kind of soap villain is one who sticks around for decades with layers and great dialogue and rooting value; Think Y&R’s Victor Newman, DAYS’s Victor Kiriakis, GH’s Sonny Corinthos. B&B’s Brooke used to fit that bill, playing dirty with Taylor over Ridge, getting pregnant by her daughter’s husband (which produced Hope!) and trying to kill Stephanie. Lately it’s been Sheila on B&B, but her crimes finally caught up with her. Which begs the question: When do you cut your losses with an evil character?

It’s a slippery slope — like the one Sheila pushed Li’s car off. Sheila finally got her due (after killing sprees on both Y&R and B&B) when she broke into Steffy’s house and Steffy stabbed her.

Steffy: “I did what I had to to protect myself.”

Finn: “You killed my mother!”

Huh? If B&B killed Sheila to cause problems for Steffy and Finn they would have had to establish that Finn and his birth mother had a relationship, which they did not. Finn and Sheila’s interactions involved Sheila shooting Finn, Sheila trying to kill Finn’s adoptive mother Li, and Sheila stalking Steffy’s daughter at the beach to get close to Finn. Sheila’s last act was lunging at Steffy, so Finn’s response — dipping his hand in Sheila’s blood and getting all weepy — was completely out of left field.

Finn (to Hope): “I don’t know why I’m reacting this way. She shot me and she shot my wife and that is what I should be picturing, not Sheila’s blood.”

Right. So what gives? They even had Finn leave Steffy alone in their bloody house to go to Sheila’s apartment so he could touch her things.

Finn: “I felt the need to feel close to her.”

Ridge: “What?”

Ridge speaks for all of us. Luckily, B&B brought in the woman who actually raised Finn for some tough love.

Li: “I am your mother, not Sheila. What’s going on with you? All you shared was DNA. Sheila broke into your home because she’s a murderous stalker.”

It was also fun to watch Liam challenge Finn, who just stares straight ahead when anyone talks to him and who spent the night in his office to get away from his traumatized wife.

Finn: “Do I not have a right to process this?”

Liam: “What’s the thing you’re processing? The fact that your psychopath mother is dead or the fact that you walked out on your wife?”

Finn: “Stay away from my wife.”

Liam: “That’s not going to work because then we’d both be staying away from your wife.”

Haha, you go Liam. I’m not on board with smart CEO Steffy Forrester talking to the cops without a lawyer present (surely they pay Carter to do more than officiate weddings) and the reference to Steffy “video chatting” with her mom is not enough to make up for Taylor’s absence in this story when Steffy cries that Sheila’s killing “haunts” her, but if the end game is shaking up the Finn/Steffy/Liam/Hope/Thomas merry-go-round, I’ll overlook the lack of proper set-up. And no one can say B&B didn’t get every ounce of toe-slicing, bee-attacking, alley-shooting, beach-stalking, Eric-marrying, murderous rage out of A-list villain Sheila Carter.

Finn’s true mother said it best.

Li: “Karma’s a bitch.”

It’s a tougher call for DAYS’s villains because so many of them are cartoonish. Dr. Rolf and his brainwashing, Orpheus, Megan and the orchid, the Devil… they were not built to last. Konstantin is a poor imitation of ace baddie Victor so far, and Nick … I mean Everett … I mean Bobby … makes no sense. I think we’re getting close to the end with Clyde, who is a properly ominous villain but hard to buy when he’s controlling all the goings-on in Salem from a maximum security cell.

Ava (to John and Patch): “I got a call from Clyde Weston. He said if I ever want to see my son again I have to break him out of prison in the next 24 hours.”

Two former ISA agents with long histories in law enforcement can’t get footage of Clyde’s visitors in jail, recordings of his phone calls, proof of his outside foot soldiers?

John: “We’ve got a prison to break into!”

I guess not.

The best part of that story was Lucas returning to help take down Clyde from inside the prison which earned him a beating. He’s currently hiding out in a monastery (for protection) where he’s pretending to be a monk.

Lucas: “This is one lifestyle I’m not cut out for.”

Kate (sarcastic): “Really? My darling son who hates attention? Brother Lucas rings a nice bell.”

Lucas: “She’s a riot.”

Lots of jokes about Kate being struck by lightening when she met the Abbot and “Brother Lucas” missing his phone lightened the mood.

Lucas: “I draw the line at celibacy.”

Stefano was the other gold standard on DAYS and his portrait looming over his family in the DiMera living room reminds us of that every day. It’s believable that his sons would follow in his footsteps but they’re currently mired in Clyde’s blackmailing, too.

Stefan: “I shot Harris Michaels. Clyde ordered me to kill Harris or Gabi would face the consequences. I had no choice.”

EJ: “Don’t try selling that bridge to me.”

Stefan: “If our father was still alive he’d tell you to stand by me. Preserve family at all costs.”

Stefan never actually knew Stefano, but he’s right. Let’s see those two team up and reboot the DiMera name.

Y&R uses short-term baddies too (Ashland Locke, Jeremy Stark) which means they can wreak havoc without having to be redeemed. Currently it’s Jordan. Her revenge on the Newmans for what they did to her sister, Eve, 30 years ago is far-fetched, but Nikki’s fall off the wagon has been worth it. However, Jordan’s ability to escape prison, the loony bin, Victor’s security team, etc. by posing as “Isabelle” sporting a series of Eva Gabor wigs is not believable.

Seth: “Cut the crap, Isabelle.”

Jordan: “Fine, you got me.”

One drunk guy figured out who Jordan was, but the cops were nowhere. Wait — are there any cops left in Genoa City? Paul inexplicably disappeared, they killed Rey, and Chance morphed into a businessman. Bring on the day players …

Abby (to Phyllis): “Danny is cooking for you here and not at his place or your place? I get it. He doesn’t want to be alone with you. He wants to be in public with witnesses.”

Danny turned Phyllis down again and told her he wants The Bug.

Danny: “She took the whole thing very graciously.”

Chris: “Why does that worry me more than if she had broken a few things or tried to shove her tongue down your throat?”

Cricket has seen this movie before!

Which brings us to GH, which has a cornucopia of villains and lunatics. Ryan and Franco had a good run; currently it’s Heather and Cyrus. Like B&B’s Sheila, there is no earthly reason why Cyrus is walking around free after running drugs through Port Charles, orchestrating the explosion at The Floating Rib (with Julian) that put Lulu in a coma, and holding Portia and Trina at gunpoint.

Portia: “You really think I’m going to forget that you terrorized me and my daughter in our home? The gunfire, the standoff? I never thought I would say this but I agree with Heather Webber. Stay away from my child.”

Cyrus: “I am truly sorry I caused you grief and anger.”

Portia: “Drop the charade. Laura isn’t here to see this act. “

Cyrus: “God has changed me.”

Says the man who posed as a Catholic priest to hear Nina’s confession.

Retconning Cyrus into Laura’s brother doesn’t make him less of a villain even if he does start every sentence with “my sister Laura.”

Heather works because at least she’s in prison, but give me a villain like Sonny Corinthos who has well-established reasons for his actions and acknowledges he probably won’t ever be redeemed.

Sonny (praying in the chapel): “Bless me, Father. You know my sins, you know what I’ve done. I will pay for it all.”

And he does. His guilt eats at him, like when Dante gets shot trying to protect him.

Anna: “I don’t want you to die.”

Sonny: “Well, we agree on one thing.”

With dialogue like that Sonny can stick around for three more decades — and here comes Jason!

Hey. It’s only my opinion.