Thousands of internet commenters were beside themselves after one Reddit user described how their wife treats them in the wake of tragedy.
In a viral post published on the popular r/TrueOffMyChest forum, Redditor u/Lanky-Session-6476 (otherwise referred to as the original poster, or OP) detailed multiple instances of insensitive harassment and explained why they are now afraid to disclose the death of their best friend.
Titled, “My best friend died last week and I can’t tell my wife because she’ll dial her nagging up to 11,” the post has received nearly 18,000 upvotes and 3,000 comments in the last day.
“When my dad died, my wife shrieked at me the next day about how I didn’t do the dishes well enough,” OP began. “When my co-worker and mentor died, my wife shrieked at me that night about a facial expression I made.
“Apparently I looked annoyed,” OP continued.
Continuing to explain that their best friend passed away just last week, the original poster said they have yet to tell his wife for fear of retribution.
The original poster also said they have “no idea” why their wife reacts so poorly when they are grieving, but speculated that hypersensitive situations trigger a type of predatory reaction rarely seen outside of the animal kingdom.
“When personal tragedy strikes, she makes it about herself first and foremost,” OP wrote. “Then [she] lashes out at me because on a certain visceral level, she realizes I’m at my most vulnerable.
“It’s blood in the water for her,” OP added. “No idea why she picks these times to immediately turn into the most horrible person she can be. But when I heard of my best friend’s death one of the first things I thought was I’ll have to hide how sad I am from my wife.”
There is no universal process for human beings to come to terms with tragedy.
Despite WebMD data which shows that roughly 60 percent of people “bounce back rather quickly” after the loss of a loved one, the grieving process is individualistic. There is no “correct” way to grieve and there is no timetable that dictates how long it will take to move on from death.
“Grieving, or the outward physical, emotional and psychological expression of loss, can cause us immense emotional and physical suffering when someone or something we love is taken away from us,” psychiatrist and Psychology Today contributor Ralph Ryback wrote in 2017.
“Everyone reacts to loss in different ways,” Ryback continued. “We rarely are prepared to deal with the pain and emotional turmoil.”
Tragedy, along with the overwhelming grief that follows, can also have unintended consequences for couples.
When a romantic partner is in mourning, it is often suggested that the other partner do their best to allow extra emotional leeway and pick up any slack around the house.
Psychology Today also recommends that partners listen closely to any expressions of grief, while increasing affection, encouraging blocks of time dedicated to self-care and helping maintain the fine balance between mourning and moving on.
What is not recommended, however, is treating a vulnerable partner like an easy target for verbal lashings and scathing tirades about their ability to complete chores around the house.
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Throughout the comment section of the viral Reddit post, Redditors offered their condolences to the original poster and questioned how anybody could treat their partner with such fury immediately after life-altering events.
“I’m so sorry for your loss but what the f**k is wrong with your wife?” Redditor u/ELScorcho19 exclaimed in the post’s top comment, which has received more than 16,000 upvotes.
“It sounds like she looks for reasons to refocus the attention on her whenever something big happens to you,” Redditor u/nocialist_ commented, receiving nearly 6,000 upvotes. “It’s bordering on narcissism and it’s not okay.”
Redditor u/KillerQueeh_Sash, whose comment has received nearly 2,000 upvotes, echoed that sentiment.
“Your wife sounds like a raging narcissist that hates that the attention is all on you instead of her,” they wrote. “All she does is try to refocus the attention onto herself.”
In a separate comment, which has received more than 9,000 upvotes, Redditor u/moebiusmom offered their sympathy to the original poster and called out his wife for being the opposite of supportive when support is needed most.
“I feel sad that you are in this position, OP,” they wrote. “I’m sorry that you lost your best friend – that’s a terrible tragedy.
“I’m also sorry that you have nobody to support you at home, that you actually need to hide your pain because you will be flogged for feeling it,” they added.
Newsweek reached out to u/Lanky-Session-6476 for comment.
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