Trump’s Week Has Gone From Normal Bad to Mar-a-Lago Staffers Hiding the Heinz Bottles Bad

On Monday morning, the world awoke to photos of toilets Donald Trump had reportedly stuffed with presidential documents. The same morning, we learned that he had apparently demanded his military leaders act like Hitler’s circa World War II. Unflattering? Indeed. Creepy? Sure. Clear evidence of his fetish for fascism? No questions there. Something you never, ever want to see or read about yourself? Yes and yes. Yet by that evening, the former president was undoubtedly desperate for another round of bathroom pics to emerge, or for The New Yorker to publish a follow-up Hitler story featuring an anecdote about him asking Melania to dress up like Eva Braun, because the news that displaced the toilet saga and I Brake for Nazis-gate was, inexplicably, even worse.

Approximately 18 hours after it emerged that the FBI had been searching Mar-a-Lago, a federal appeals court ruled that the House can obtain Trump’s tax returns—yes, the ones he’s spent years trying to keep under lock and key. While the former president will most certainly appeal the decision to the Supreme Court—where he’ll be greeted by a friendly conservative majority, three of whom he appointed—the judgment is an obvious blow to his crusade, particularly after the 24 hours he’s already had. (Also, earlier this year, in an unrelated matter, the court ruled against him, so the fact that he personally put Neil Gorsuch, Amy Coney Barrett, and Justice Waves a Broken Beer Bottle in a Guy’s Face Yelling “You Want Some a This?” on the bench does not mean he’ll be insulated from further legal defeats.)

With the exception of Gerald Ford, who released a summary of his taxes, Trump was the first presidential candidate in 40 years to refuse to release his tax returns, claiming, falsely, that an audit was preventing him from doing so. After Democrats took over the House in 2018, they attempted to investigate his finances; his former attorney testified to Congress that he routinely inflated the value of his assets when it benefited him, like in obtaining loans, and deflated them when it would similarly help him out, like when it came time to pay taxes. Trump’s slavishly loyal Treasury secretary, Steven Mnuchin, refused to turn over the returns to the Ways and Means Committee, despite a 1924 law specifically saying he had an obligation to do so.

Last year, the Biden administration, apparently having better things to do than run cover for the last guy, issued a memorandum ordering the Treasury to turn over six years of Trump’s returns to the the House panel. Claiming the whole thing was politically motivated, Trump’s lawyers sought an injunction; in December, almost two and a half years after the committee first filed its request, Judge Trevor McFadden sided with the lawmakers. (For any conspiratorial conservatives reading this, who insist Democrats are constantly out to get Trump, know that McFadden was appointed in 2017 by…Donald Trump.)

On Tuesday, the appeals court agreed; the three-judge panel was made up of a Ronald Reagan appointee, a Barack Obama appointee, and a George H.W. Bush appointee, which the former president’s supporters will presumably take as evidence of a “deep state” plot.

Anyway, after the last 24 hours, it’s not clear what sort of Trump-related news might be coming next, but we assume it’s gotta involve a four-star general witnessing him f–king a bucket of chicken wings.

Do a lot of attorneys representing innocent people make these kind of claims?

Feels like a safe assessment