Valentine’s Day isn’t feeling very romantic anymore

It’s almost Cupid’s birthday, and that means it’s date night de-luxe, chocolates, flowers and little red hearts and teddy bears.

Valentine’s Day is approaching, and sometimes, well, romance is a thought rather than a rat race reality. It’s the pressure, the bills and the then-some of the grand day of coupling up.

So, who better to answer questions about the good, the cute, and a life somewhat extraordinary than the people who dream up lovey-dovey stuff? In the weeks leading up to love’s D-Day, we will ask some expert advice from a few South African romance writers.

Author Nadia Cassim’s debut novel Not Another Samoosa Run! spins a romance from a different angle.

Tasneem, a 27-year-old psychology student navigating life after the devastating loss of her newborn and a divorce that refuses to stay private. In her Muslim Indian community in Gauteng, heartbreak is compounded by stigma, and her mother’s solution is swift and familiar: find a new husband, even if it requires a carefully choreographed samoosa run. Aadil, a bachelor under pressure from his own family and guarding a life-changing secret, seems like a convenient answer. They then agree to stage a pretend engagement, which is meant to dampen gossip mongers, but instead, it opens the door to something far more complicated.

As they say, though, love is a contact sport, and sometimes it’s a bit more bruisy than a rugby tackle…

Valentine’s Day is often sold as flowers, chocolate and grand gestures, but when you look at the stories people are reading, what does that say about how they want to experience love right now? 

I think more and more, readers are looking for romance stories they can identify with. Characters whose experiences echo their own, while still satisfying their fantasies of what love should be. Essentially, real people living extraordinary lives.

If you had to write a Valentine’s Date scene, what would it look like, in a single paragraph?

This is taken from a novel I am working on: I pick up a menu to keep myself from panicking. What am I doing here? It’s a question that’s been playing on repeat in my head for the past twenty-four hours. He follows my example, and I allow myself a proper look at him while his eyes scan the laminated pages. He’s gorgeous, even with glasses on. I stare a little longer than I should, and he catches me. Our eyes meet, and there it is again – the electricity. I look away and fidget with my hair while he hails a waitress over to take our order. 

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Romance novels are still dismissed by some as fantasy or escapism, yet many books deal with undercurrents of emotional labour, power, desire and vulnerability. Your thoughts?

There is no question that romance novels are often dismissed as frivolous (a quick look at how rarely they are seriously considered for major literary awards makes that clear). Yet, the truth is simple: readers love them. (Yes, romance offers escapism – who doesn’t want relief from the weight of reality now and then?) But the genre cannot succeed without memorable characters grappling with real-life challenges. These stories do confront truth, just in more palatable ways, and more often than not, they allow their characters to rise above what threatens to undo them. 

There is a lot of pressure around Valentine’s Day on the romantic and intimate side. Is there a right way?

In my opinion, there is the so-called right way – the commercial version of Valentine’s Day, complete with chocolates, roses, and romantic gestures on steroids – and then there is the real way. The real way takes into account a couple’s limitations: work schedules, children, budget constraints, distance (all the things that stand in the way of uninterrupted quality time) and works around them to create something meaningful anyway. I’d much rather celebrate that way. And this approach isn’t limited to couples. It applies to single people too, because who said quality time with yourself can’t be romantic? For me, it’s the most romantic thing I can do for myself. 

If Valentine’s Day were a chapter in one of your novels, what tired cliché would you leave out and why?

The neatly wrapped-up ending, because, let’s face it, life rarely offers perfect ones.

Do you think people get relationship and intimacy ‘advice‘ from romance novels?

Not quite, but I do believe they reflect lived experience in some form.

What does romance look like today compared to, say, a decade ago? 

Recent conversations around romance have shifted toward real talk. Self-love has become the foundation of healthy romantic expression. In this way, we’ve moved away from objectifying love through grand gestures and instead made it something more internal. The emphasis now is on fixing our hearts, choosing ourselves first, before romanticising love or equating it with external validation.

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