A few months ago, I found myself sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic, running late to meet my friend, “Sarah” for dinner.
As I inched along the highway toward her neighbourhood (45 minutes from mine), a familiar pattern started to crystallize.
Every dinner with Sarah followed the same script: I’d suggest getting together, she’d pick a restaurant near her place, and I’d battle cross-town traffic to meet her there.
After years of friendship, I couldn’t remember a single time she’d offered to come to my neighborhood, or even meet somewhere in between.
During our dinner, I decided to be direct:
“I love catching up but I’ve noticed I’m often the one who has to initiate. Can you organize the next meetup somewhere in-between?”
She agreed, “Of course!”
Three months passed without a word from her.
Here’s what I learned:
- Sometimes we don’t notice relationships are one-sided until we stop doing all the work
- If you are the glue holding a relationship together, resentment will build
- There’s a difference between a blip and a chronic pattern. People who habitually take and do not reciprocate will continue behaving that way
When Sarah finally did reach out, it wasn’t to catch up – it was because she needed something.
That’s when I realized: this wasn’t really a friendship – it was a pattern of convenience. For her.
Today, I have a simple rule:
I match energy. If someone consistently shows they won’t meet me halfway – literally or figuratively – I take note and adjust my investment accordingly.
Question for you:
Are there any one-side relationships in your life? What would happen if you took you foot off the gas pedal?
PS: You can read this blog that discusses what causes us to overgive. Also, you can learn more about relationship patterns in my book “Breakup Bootcamp.” Check it out here.
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