DEAR ABBY: Disappearing meds lead to massive family rift

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DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 16 years, married for 14. I was injured in a bad car wreck 12 years ago, and I stockpiled the leftover pain medicine. We scheduled a cruise nine years ago, and I was going to take a few with me just in case. When I went to get some, they were all gone! My oldest son had been staying here for a few months, and my immediate thought was that he may have taken them. Nobody else had been in our house. When I confronted my son, he denied it. He also stopped talking to me for months. Every so often I would ask him about it, and he continued to get angry when I did.

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I recently had two major surgeries, and they sent me home on pain meds. I went to get one about a month ago, and they were all gone! Again! I questioned my husband, and he said, “No, someone else must have taken them.” This went on for a few weeks, and I finally figured it out. It had been him the entire time.

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To say the least, I was devastated. My trust in him was shattered because he let me blame my son all this time, putting that relationship in jeopardy. I left our home and went to stay at a weekend place we own. I made my husband call his parents in front of me and tell them what had happened, because I knew he would otherwise make up some lie about why I left. Even so, I somehow became the scapegoat because I’m not “standing by my man.” They fail to recognize that I am the victim here.

He started outpatient rehab two weeks ago, but we have done nothing for our marriage. Can this trust ever be rebuilt? — NEEDING DIRECTION IN VIRGINIA

DEAR NEEDING DIRECTION: Let me postpone the answer to your question until after I urge you to apologize to your son. You and your son should consider joining a group called Nar-Anon (nar-anon.org). It is composed of people who have been affected by the drug addiction of a loved one or friend. It has meetings everywhere.

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Your husband is an addict who has broken your trust. Before deciding whether to continue being married to him, you need to know what that will mean. After initially overcoming his addiction, he may fall off the wagon. Do not allow your in-laws to guilt you into reuniting with their son. Your husband would have to be sober for a long time before you can trust him again.

DEAR ABBY: I have a standing appointment with the hairdresser I’ve been seeing for many years for my cut and style. I highlight my own hair at home. I’m wondering if colouring at home is considered in poor taste while having your hair cut professionally. — BEAUTY CLIENT IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR CLIENT: No! If you prefer to colour your hair at home, that is your privilege. You don’t owe anyone an apology or explanation for doing it. If someone you know implied that it is wrong, that person was misinformed.

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