Gutfeld: If you can’t identify a victim, the crime had to be reverse-engineered

Happy President’s Day, everyone! I know. Today, we honor all those who’ve held the nation’s highest office. Well, unless you don’t like them, then you destroy them.

Judge Arthur Engoron, a Democrat, just handed down a $355 million, first of its kind settlement against Donald Trump after finding that Trump inflated the value of his real estate when applying for loans. The judge released his opinion six days before the trial began, which makes it a show trial. Except instead of Judge Judy, we get someone no one wants to have sex with. Now, the fact that no one was complaining about Trump’s activities, including the banks who gave Trump the money, seemed to have no impact on Engoron, who during the trial did more mugging for the cameras than a Times Square migrant. 

And, of course, $355 million seems excessive when the amount owed to the banks is zero. That’s key. If you can’t identify a victim, then the crime had to be reverse-engineered. Because if the crime was indeed organic, a victim would have started the process. Instead, they found the man, then they came up with the crime. 

Does that sound familiar? That’s my Uncle Steve. Anyway, this proud legal beagle whose drooling grin has that look of the forcibly medicated was also unbothered that New York’s A.G. Letitia James took office vowing to “get” Donald Trump. That’s her quote. After all, there is a shortage of real victims in her state since they’ve all been stabbed. 

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New York Judge Arthur Engoron ruled that former President Trump must pay over $350 million in damages to the state of New York as the result of his civil fraud trial. (Fox News)

But it shows how far the left is willing to go to destroy anyone they deem a threat. So how bad is this case, besides sacrificing faith in the legal system to go after political enemies? Well, here’s esteemed attorney Jonathan Turley: “Engoron fulfilled Oscar Wilde’s rule that the only way to be rid of temptation is to yield to it. He ordered everything short of throwing Trump into a woodchipper.” 

Oscar Wilde? Somebody’s fancy. And here’s “Shark Tank’s” Kevin O’Leary, who knows even more about real estate than I know about being gorgeous.

KEVIN O’LEARY: If you’re a developer, you’re the… you’re an entrepreneur. You go to a bank and you say, look, I want to borrow $200 million to build a building. And they say, well, what can… What assets do you have we can secure this loan against? And you point to a building you built before, and you haggle and you argue about the value of that building. This goes on in every city on Earth. That’s how real estate developers who are entrepreneurs and take risks, borrow money. That’s exactly what happened here. 

You get that? If Trump’s guilty of this, then so is every single real estate developer. Trump claimed his property was worth a certain amount. The bank agreed, loaned the money and Trump paid it all back. Hmhm. So what’s next? Getting the death penalty for tipping with Kohl’s cash? But this is what Tish James, New York State’s top prosecutor, wastes her time with. She should be fined for impersonating law enforcement. 

New York State is still struggling from the effects of COVID and isn’t expected to recover all its lost jobs for years, if ever. Tourism is down. Migrants occupy thousands of hotel rooms and the state leads the nation in population loss. Even my pool boys have moved to Miami. All I have to remember them by is a jar of their fingers. Too far? Or not far enough? So why not bring a bogus lawsuit that will also scare off the real estate sector? 

New York Attorney General Letitia James arrives outside New York Supreme Court ahead of former President Donald Trump’s civil business fraud trial on Monday, Oct. 2, 2023 in New York.  (AP Photo/Brittainy Newman)

As O’Leary points out, no developer would risk this much money to have a judge arbitrarily decide that you’re in some form of breach of fraud where no damages occurred. So they’re just going to go elsewhere. And they are. I haven’t seen this many people running away since Joy Behar washed up on the beach, and they had to blow her up with dynamite. 

So, they didn’t just screw Trump, they screwed the city. Much like I did in the summer of ’98. Shout out to Carol and Janet and Steve. But not to fear, Governor Botox is here. Kathy Hochul assures the business community that everything’s fine. “Law-abiding and rule-following New Yorkers who are business people have nothing to worry about because they’re very different than Donald Trump and his behavior.” Translation: you have nothing to worry about until we don’t like you. 

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Meanwhile, Trump’s being Trump. Over the weekend, he debuted a pair of golden sneakers called “Never Surrender High Tops,” which sell for $400 bucks a pair and might be the first pair of sneakers north of $300 bucks that nobody gets shot for. Now, the left will laugh at this, of course, but the shoes, limited to 1,000 pairs, sold out in two hours, which tells you a lot about the depth of support that stooges like Tish James and Engoronfair-minded are rallying to Donald Trump. As O’Leary said, it’s not about Trump himself. It’s about the injustice of a case which no one can find a precedent for. 

You know, at heart, Americans are fair-minded people. We want to believe in our system, but a system is only as good as the people in charge of administering it. James said she was going after Trump, and Engoron brazenly admitted he can overrule juries when they get it wrong, doubting his impartiality. 

Former U.S. President Donald J. Trump at a rally in Arizona. (Brandon Bell)

So when people tell you who they are, maybe believe them. There’s a pattern emerging. It started with surveillance. If you have nothing to worry about, then why worry if we spy? Well, then they spied on you. Then there’s freedom of speech. You have nothing to worry about. It’s just hate speech. Then hate speech became disinformation. Or rather, anything you said that they didn’t like. Now it’s your ability to make a living. You have nothing to worry about as long as you toe the line and don’t question their power. 

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So you see the pattern. As long as you obey, we won’t invade your privacy, ban your speech or take your job. But then, what keeps you safe for now? 

Well, be a Democrat, remain quiet about what the Dems have done to the country, and above all, don’t work at Fox. You know, which means it doesn’t look too good for me. Seriously, how soon before I get arrested for indecent exposure, and this time, I’m innocent?