Alex Casey and Tara Ward recap the return of Breakfast, our last surviving early morning TV news show.
It’s February already, which means that the return of the last surviving early morning TV news show is long overdue. This morning, Breakfast returned to TVNZ1 for another year of news, interviews and studio banter, with presenters Chris Chang and Jenny-May Clarkson back on the couch to prepare us for the day ahead. If you didn’t wake up with the birds this morning, don’t panic. Here’s everything you missed from the return to Breakfast.
Chris relished in the dad jokes
There’s a lot of people talking about the media having an underlying agenda, and Chris Chang is no exception. But forget your leftwing bias and rightwing leanings, it would appear his sole mission is to make potent dad jokes before most of us have even made it out of REM. His dad joke agenda was so pressing, in fact, that Jenny-May was on high alert even during the most innocuous exchanges about writing your CV in the modern age:
“I’ll be looking forward to that,” said Chris. “Especially with AI and how it’s going to work to make yourself stand out from the crowd.”
“I mean AI in itself is always going to be interesting-” Jenny-May paused. “Wait, was that a dad joke?”
“No it wasn’t, I’m not coming in hot off the ropes this year – but don’t worry there will be plenty more of those,” assured Chris.
Within the hour, Chris made good on his promise. As Jenny-May shared pictures from her summer in the kitchen, including a sumptuous layered trifle and three jars of bright yellow relish, Chris was ready to come off the aforementioned top ropes. “Relishing that challenge,” he beamed, “good to get one off the mark for the year isn’t it?” Jenny-May checked the time – it only took him 48 minutes. “I’ve been holding myself back,” admitted Chris.
School lunches were front and centre
Following the disastrous late delivery of school lunches to Auckland schools, Jenny May chatted to Viv Carr, principal of Henderson Intermediate, about what a disruption it truly is. With lunches arriving hours late with no communication from catering company Compass, they’ve had to resort to sausage sizzles and even ordering pizzas. “We really want to see our students progress, but when I have to have five of my staff for two hours on the first two days preparing lunches, it’s just not on,” she said. “We cannot teach hungry children.”
Life is a paper coaster, just got to ride it
Elsewhere on Love Island, bikini-clad women are talking about having mug on their forehead, but on Breakfast, it is all about having mug… on the bare ass table. Where are the coasters? Have their ever been coasters? Did the coaster budget get slashed along with everything else? Jenny-May cradled her own mug in her lap for much of the broadcast, whereas Chris used his own paper notes as a makeshift solution to avoid damaging the table.
The Dame of Te Kōhanga Reo was remembered
Ngarimu Parata (Ngāti Porou) was interviewed about the legacy of the late Dame Iritana Te Rangi Tāwhiwhirangi, who founded the kōhanga reo movement and “gave so much” in her 95 years. “It was a life of giving and a life of service to her people, and to all those in Aotearoa New Zealand,” said Parata. “One of the big parts of her legacy is that she was a staunch advocate and fought for the empowerment of families and whānau.” One of those thousands of whānau was on the Breakfast couch: “Moe ma ra,” said Jenny May. “Thank you for ensuring that our reo lives on – your dream certainly lives in our babies.”
2024 hung in the air
Whether it was during the chat about applying for jobs (“I’ve got my CV ready to go,” said Jenny-May; “It’s only the first day back,” said Chris) or assessing the scaled-back furnishings in the studio (“just trying to keep things simple here y’know, budget cuts”), the wider media environment loomed pretty large over proceedings. “That front space is ripe for advertising now,” said Jenny-May of their fetching new module. “So are our coffee cups – we live in hope.”
Chang showed off his melons
“This is the more sizeable one.”
Breakfast discussed breakfast
It finally happened: Breakfast ate itself. At 7.30am, we made an unexpected swerve from school lunches (TVNZ were still awaiting a response from Compass confirming what time Henderson Intermediate could expect today’s lunch delivery) to Jenny-May’s new (non-Compass, on-time) meal plan. “I had eggs at quarter to four this morning,” she announced out of nowhere. It was her new way of doing things, she explained to a bewildered Chris, as she described how she carefully scraped out the last of the avocado for the toast and then fried some eggs at 3.45am. “I’m going to have lunch in our team meeting at 9.30am,” she promised. “Just some porridge.”
Welcome to 1962, here is the news
After the eight o’clock news, viewers were introduced to a new segment where Breakfast would “look back through the television archive”. No further questions, your honour, as we began to watch a seven-minute, black-and-white clip of Peter Snell setting the 880 yard running world record at Lancaster Park in Christchurch on February 3, 1962. Then, the clip from the NZ National Film Unit ended in a flourish of trumpets and drums, just as all archival footage about long distance running on a grass track 60 years ago should. Back in the studio, Jenny-May and Chris were loving it. “We’re back in HD, and up next: bike lanes!” Chris said.
We don’t need cycle lanes because Simeon Brown can go to the gym
We all know cycle lanes are responsible for ruining the country, but TVNZ reporter Gill Higgins had a compelling story to make us all squeeze into a layer of lycra – unless you’re the minister of health. Higgins interviewed a GP and intensive care specialist (whose name we were never told?) who believes cycling is a great way to reduce cancer and diabetes rates. If we had more bike lanes, the doctor argued, the roads would be safer and people would exercise more, and everyone would be healthier and happier.
Not on my watch, said health minister Simeon Brown. “I choose to drive, because my time is important,” the former transport minister told Higgins. She then suggested Brown could reduce his cancer risk by 40% to 50% if he took up cycling, while also reducing his risk of diabetes and obesity. Brown cut Higgins off mid sentence (probably because his car was running and his time is important) with an official government response that will definitely end this debate once and for all: “and I can go to the gym as well”.
Breakfast goes to the gym as well
One of Breakfast’s last pieces for the morning was a live cross to a free outdoor gym. Strangely, there was no sign of Simeon Brown (presumably stuck in traffic), but reporter Lucy Bendell chatted to the CEO of Exercise New Zealand about how to keep to your new year exercise resolutions. It’s key to find an activity that you like, he advised. You need to internalise your motivation, but also externalise your motivation, and most of all, focus on how you feel. “Feelings beat everything,” he said. In the background, a shirtless man did some kind of movement, probably known as exercising.
Back in the studio, it was four minutes to nine and Jenny-May and Chris were indeed feeling great. “I remember those days of working out without a top on,” Jenny-May said. “I was hot, mate, back in the day.”
Breakfast screens Monday-Friday at 6am on TVNZ1 and streams on TVNZ+.
