Weekly Cape Town News Comedy Wrap-up (29 May 2026) –

It’s time for your weekly update from my Cape Talk segment, Bottom of The Week. Where take a more comical look at news stories affecting Cape Town. The update is a few days late, as the site had a few technical issues. They are resolved now. So, here’s what happened in the news last week, that I wanted to tell you about.

The new standard for Americans or Europeans visiting South Africa

To the Cape Town marathon runners, that’s cool man, but did you push from Uganda to South Africa on a skateboard? Get on Jason Vanporppal’s level. 

Jason is a skateboarding social media creator, who previously skated across America and Japan. He landed in Cape Town on Monday afternoon the 25th of May with a welcome celebration at the City Bowl park in Gardens. 

I listened to an interview of his last week, and I have to say he sounded a bit like a podcast bro. 

There is something in the way Americans talk and view the world, where everything seems to be an inspirational speech. Like can you imagine a self-depreciating American. To be honest, based on what’s happening in that country they could benefit from being a bit more self-depreciating. 

He said coming to Africa was like a calling, which if you know your history raises some alarm bells. Western people feeling called to Africa usually results in, I don’t know, colonialism. David Livingstone, I’m looking at you.

I am of course just joking, I am actually a fan and was following his journey online, he did the skate to raise funds for Uganda’s first public skatepark which is to be lauded. Then, somehow in his interview, he also seemed to respect South Africa itself. Which I appreciate. 

I’m thinking we should institute a new rule, if you want to visit Cape Town, you need to do an impressive feat to get in, that includes getting properly involved in Africa. So running a Marathon in the CBD doesn’t count. 

I’m talking; hitchhiking from Lusaka to Langa, rowing from Toliara to Table View, scootering (and not electric scootering – I’m talking to Sea Point Prom racers) from Accra to Athlone. If you do something like that, you’re welcome. 

Enhanced games or Silicon Valley marketing campaign

Last weekend sports experienced a game changing event, called the enhanced games. 

Game changing is generous. One world-record was broken but on the coverage the clock seemed to stop before the swimmer who broke the record actually finished the race. 

It was held in Las Vegas because of course it was. It was broadcast on right-wing video platform, Rumble, because again, of course it was. A surprising element was that only FDA approved pharmaceuticals were allowed to be used, but the enhanced games website has a section to sell the performance enhancing drugs used at the games, because of course it does.

It’s been called a scientific experiment, but it was funded by Silicon Valley tech bro types. So it was a privately-funded scientific study, I’m going to repeat that, a privately-funded scientific study. No obvious agendas there. 

It was marketed as the “Super Bowl of athletics, swimming and weightlifting!” – So, if it’s like the Super Bowl they’re going to call the winners World Champions for winning in a competition that the rest of the world doesn’t compete in. 

I read an article by Sean Ingle of The Guardian who spoke to one of the organisers, Christian Angemeyer. The games sounded like a fever dream from his description but I have to show you a segment from that article. This is verbatim from the article: 

“Towards the end of our chat last week, Angermayer told me his companies were also working on new drugs to avoid neurodegenerative diseases like Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s and dementia. “Surely everybody would agree that’s a good thing?” he asked me. “And by the way, sex is a very big topic too. There’s a huge potential market to arouse women but no product on the market. And we are working on that too.”” 

He went from Parkinson’s straight to sexual arousal. Which is crazy, but to be fair, startup types would need performance enhancement in the bedroom. 

All the games really proved to me is; that there is nothing you can do for unenhanced intelligence.

Cape Town Under Construction

Last week Tuesday I ended up at Mojo Market, don’t ask me how or why. That place has gotten so much worse. Pre-2020 I used to love that place but now, it is just a tin box of sensory overload. 

While I was there, I noticed something, just on the corner outside of the market, you step outside and there are three separate construction sites. 

Then on Wednesday I went to get groceries at Gardens centre but I could barely get in to the centre because they’ve closed off half the road for maintenance at the main entrance. 

Now, this morning, on my way here, I got caught up in a traffic jam because just on Buitengracht they are developing another new block of flats, and to do so they close off one lane. 

My thing is this, as a citizen of Cape Town why can a private business interrupt my daily life for them to experience private profits. How can they close a public road for private interests? If you’re going to disturb me, surely I should get some of your profits. 

Then they’ll argue, our developments provide for people to be in the city, and more people in the city results in more profits for other local businesses which boosts the economy. To which I say, which businesses and whose economy? Because Plato and Bootlegger clearly get enough business! 

Adding to this there seem to be roadworks everywhere I look. 

I can’t be the only one who sees construction on every street at the moment, and I mean every street. Not every second street. Every single street! 

Is the DA also trying to fix every issue in the next 6 months before the local elections. I know Helen Zille is using potholes for her election campaign in Joburg but how in the world are there tons of holes in the road in Oranjezicht! 

We talk a lot about the rate of AirBnB’s and hotels in the CBD, which is bad at around 70% of residential units in Cape Town’s CBD.

We need on the ground journalism to talk about the rate of construction in the Cape Town CBD. I haven’t even mentioned the entire road that is closed off so they can rebuild parliament. It feels like 99% of the city is under construction, me included, because you don’t get a build like mine without a bit of engineering. What I’m saying is that I’m fit, but Cape Town can’t fit any more construction.

The full segment if you missed out: