Sixteen years ago, the tiny village of Kathakkurichi in Tamil Nadu, India erupted in joy after one of their own won silver in the 800 metres at the 2006 Doha Asian Games.
But less than a week later, Santhi Soundarajan went from being the toast of the nation to battling public shame, when she controversially failed a gender test and was stripped of her medal.
Soundarajan was found to have androgen insensitivity syndrome, where a person is genetically male (having one X and one Y chromosome), but is resistant to male hormones. As a result, that person has the physical traits of a woman.
Since then, life threw Soundarajan into the unknown. In the decade and a half since those Games, the former runner, now 41, has endured unimaginable pain, shame and hardship.
A life changed forever
On a muggy November morning, ABC’s Women in News and Sport Initiative tracked Soundarajan down to Tiruchirappalli, a city in Tamil Nadu, a state known for its temples and heritage sites, where she works as a coach at the Sports Authority of India, training about 60 promising runners.
The lines of a hard life are etched on her face, these are scars left by society.
Dressed in track suit pants and a T-shirt, Soundarajan walks in with steps that appear unnatural but practised to perfection. The ponytail she sported at the Asian Games is long gone. She now has a crew cut. Her wardrobe has gone through a complete overhaul, women’s outfits replaced with men’s.
Soundarajan says it was a conscious decision with the hope of flying under the radar.
“I grew up a normal girl wearing salwar kameez, skirt and a bindi [a decorative mark worn on the middle of the forehead by Indian women], long hair, flowers in my hair, bangles etc,” she said.
“After the Asian Games I thought, by dressing like a man, there would be greater acceptance.
“I don’t want anyone to control me.
“I changed the way I dress also because of the way the society saw me. When I dressed like a girl, people looked at me oddly. The transformation wasn’t easy. When I dress as a man, they don’t see me differently. I am accepted.”
Sitting on chipped stairs at the Anna Stadium gallery, Soundarajan gave an emotional account on the hardships she faced and continues to face.
“Before 2006, poverty was our biggest stumbling block, but my dreams were bright and intact,” Soundarajan said.
“The Asian Games changed my life forever. I tried to hide from people, unable to face the humiliation.
“I attempted suicide and changed the way I lived,” Soundarajan said.
“I fight daily battles for a decent living. I’m also a human being like everyone else, why am I not treated equally? Why are my feelings not considered? These questions haunt me all the time.”
Those were some of the darkest days in her life, but there were more to come.
Soundarajan says she reached her lowest point, a few months after her medal was stripped.
“I reached a point wherein I did not want to live anymore,” she said.
“Rejected by society, I felt the purpose of my existence was defeated.
“I am someone who always thinks about my parents, siblings and their wellbeing. But at that moment, the only person I thought of was myself. In fact, I thought if I died, the humiliation my family faced would end too.”
Timely intervention by neighbours ensured Soundarajan survived as she was taken to the hospital for treatment by them.
Rebuilding a dream lost
With the Athletics Federation of India banning her from competitions, Soundarajan rebuilt her life as a coach, first training youngsters in her hometown before becoming a state government coach. The salary was meagre, prompting her to find a better job in 2011.
“The state government job fetched me a monthly salary of 5,000 Indian Rupees (about $90) which made survival difficult,” Soundarajan said.
“I had saved some money which I had earned from competitions, but I had exhausted it all in building a house for my parents and educating my siblings. I approached the government for a permanent job, but the request was turned down. So, I resigned.”
From the athletics track, Soundarajan moved to a brick factory as a labourer.
“The factory is owned by a relative. I worked eight hours a day for eight months, which fetched me about 200 Rupees ($3.68) per day. It was hard work, but it ensured my family did not go hungry.
“In 2012, The Times of India reported my plight and I enrolled in the National Institute of Sports for a diploma in coaching.”
But it was just the beginning of another uncomfortable ride.
“I was posted in a town called Mayiladuthurai. It was very difficult to gain acceptance. When I joined work, they wouldn’t give me a chair to sit on. I would finish work [training athletes] and then sit in the gallery.
“A Centre officer once told me I wouldn’t get equal rights, he was right.”
From Mayiladuthurai, Soundarajan moved to Chennai before settling down in Tiruchirappalli , her current location.
“Wherever I go, people are the same. Their perception does not change,” Soundarajan said.
“Earlier, people would speak ill about me behind my back. I face the situation even now.
“An elite coach here, who I don’t want to name, asks young athletes, ‘Is Santhi a boy or a girl?’
“When an elite coach, a former international athlete, is as snide as that, you can imagine how others treat me. Just getting to the stadium to train athletes is a struggle.
“Every day, I wake up with a dreadful feeling, fearful of what is in store for me. I’d like to come here with the single-minded focus of training athletes to be champions. But all I get is discouragement.”
The only silver lining are her wards, who treat her with respect and dignity.
“They treat me with a lot of love and care,” Soundarajan said.
“Their parents respect me too. I try not to worry about society too much these days. You know how society is, they say all sorts of things.
“If you do well, they have something to say, if you don’t, they have other things to say. They say one thing in front of you and another behind your back. I don’t think that is ever going to change.”
Living a dream through her athletes
Soundarajan now dreams of working with people with conditions such as hers. She wants to ensure they don’t face the suffering she has. But for now, she wants to live her Olympic dream through her trainees.
“I always dreamt of being an Olympic medallist and that remained unfulfilled. I want to live that dream through my athletes. I want to produce an Olympic medallist. That dream is all I have now because I don’t know what else life has in store for me,” Soundarajan said.
As she finished the interview and stepped out of the stadium, her face lit up as she approached her bike.
“I love riding it,” she said before riding off into the afternoon sunshine.
Manuja Veerappa is an Assistant Editor with The Times of India and part of ABC International Development’s Women in News and Sport Initiative, funded by the Australian Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade through the Team Up program.
Discussion about this post