Men Need Permission To Use Their Emotions As Well As Women

Male suicide and depression rates could be drastically
reduced—and men could get more out of their
relationships—if they were permitted to use their emotions
the same way as women.

Simone-Ellen Keller, a personal
transformation strategist and CEO of Genius You–a
consultancy that teaches people how the mind works and how
to use it to uncover their brilliance by using emotions
constructively– said men are twice as likely to commit
suicide as women and that needs to change.

Globally,
one man dies from suicide every second, and almost seven out
of every ten suicides are by men. In New Zealand, males
report lower rates of depression than females, and men
accounted for roughly three-quarters (72%) of suicides in
2020, according to the Ministry of
Justice.

According to the American Psychological
Association, an estimated 9 per cent of men feel depression
or anxiety each day, while 30.6 per cent of men experience a
bout of depression during their lifetime.

Keller
said the high rates of male depression couldn’t – and
shouldn’t – be blamed on a single factor since the issue
is multivariant and individual-specific. Giving men a way to
tap into their reservoir of emotions and use them as tools
could significantly improve mental health in New
Zealand.

“It’s a myth that men don’t feel
emotions. Although the primary symptom of depression is
often a feeling of sadness, men are more prone to anger,
demonstrating aggressive feelings and engaging in substance
abuse.

“These are all natural emotions, but just
because they are natural doesn’t mean it is commonly
understood how to deal with those emotions,” Keller
said.

She pointed out that emotions mustn’t be
considered an obstacle or hindrances to a good life. Indeed,
when emotions are dealt with healthily, they can be used as
a universal language and even as a tool for achieving
success.

“It’s a bit of a generalisation, but
women tend to receive quite a bit of encouragement from
strategically deploying their emotions throughout their
lives. This can be wonderfully empowering.

“But
while women tend to have ‘permission’ to develop a
glossary of emotions and use them to their greatest
advantage, it’s often the opposite for men who end up
considering emotions synonymous with weakness or failure,”
Keller said.

Emotions are a significant factor in
how people interpret the world. They can be a way for humans
to connect at a level above the verbal. Keller said they are
also a deep thread across everything from sales, marketing,
politics, business funding, and much else.

By
either refusing to tap into emotions or never learning how
Keller noted that men might be missing out on an essential
guide through life.

“My father’s generation was
never told they were loved. Yet we judge them for not using
a tool they were never taught to use. They often find
themselves having achieved great success but, along the way,
haven’t taken the time to develop the emotional glossary
to enjoy that success to its fullest.

“For the
sake of future generations, we must embrace the idea that
the most valuable education is to know how to use our
emotions – both men and women – to ensure we all reach
our highest potential,” Keller said.

Keller
offers this advice for anyone hoping to help the men in
their lives engage more closely with their
emotions.

1. Understand
men

The two sexes inhabit very different
worlds, with other pressures and responsibilities. Keller
said that understanding the male perspective is the first
step to finding places in their lives that might benefit
from greater emotional intelligence.

“Emotions
should neither be bottled up nor released uncontrollably.
Emotions are guides and keys to locks that can’t be opened
any other way. Thinking about using emotions strategically
can be much more attractive for men, which means they are
more likely to engage with them,” Keller
said.

2. Stop
judging

Keller said when men “close
up,” they generally aren’t doing that due to spite or
belligerence. Instead, when men can’t cope with the
emotions of a crisis or moment in their lives, they appear
not to care.

“The illusion that men retreat into
themselves rather than feel emotions is an illusion. They
only appear to be apathetic because they were never given
permission to use their emotions and never taught how to do
this positively,” Keller said.

3. Talk
honestly

While it’s often the last thing
men want to do, talking about emotions is not a waste of
time. Scientific evidence shows that talking to another
person can be enormously helpful for mental
health.

“Talking about personal stuff can feel
uncomfortable. But it’s good to remember that learning to
channel emotions is not really about us; it’s about the
future. By talking honestly, we will be modelling a much
healthier pattern of behaviour for our kids,” Keller
said.

More information here:https://www.geniusyou.co.nz/

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